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content/posts/deference-vs-indifference.md

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+---
+title: "Deference vs. Indifference"
+date: 2019-03-15T22:27:30+05:30
+categories: ["Poetry"]
+tags: ["poetry", "writing"]
+cover:
+  hidden: false
+  image: "images/the-solitude.jpg"
+draft: false
+---
+
+[(See this picture on Flickr)]
+
+------------------------------------------------
+
+## Deference vs. Indifference
+
+
+
+There used to be a time  
+when things used to be simple.  
+I'd wake up, rub my eyes, sit up straight, close my eyes,  
+And pray that He will continue to guide me  
+as He had done the previous day.  
+There used to be a time  
+when I used to love the aroma  
+of the stick when it burned,  
+lighting up my day with the secret enchantments,  
+as if the secrecy itself was the source of my happiness.  
+
+There used to be a time  
+when coming home after a bad day,  
+I'd sit on my bed and join my hands and close my eyes  
+and quietly shed a tear.  
+The statues didn't move or speak or whisper,  
+but I felt assured that somehow those little stones  
+were the only ones who listened to me  
+and answered back.  
+
+
+But now,  
+I wake up and lie on my bed for hours,  
+watching the fan complete circles after circles after circles,  
+as if I was stuck in the middle while everyone else around me  
+kept going through life as if it was such an easy task.  
+But now,  
+The smell of the burning stick nauseates my senses,  
+the secret spells make me mad,  
+the constant enchantings feel as if someone lit a person on fire  
+while they were sleeping.  
+But now,  
+when I come back home after a bad day,  
+to the empty apartment echoing with silence so loud  
+I worry my neighbors will start complaining -  
+Even crying for hours doesn't help.  
+
+Sometimes I think,  
+what use is consciousness  
+if it doesn't make you happy but slowly takes away  
+whatever little sanity you had left  
+second by second.  
+Sometimes I worry,  
+Did I make a mistake in choosing not to follow blindly?  
+Does asking questions that nobody has answers to  
+makes me more alive  
+or merely leaves me more broken and naive and stupid?  
+Is ignorance really bliss?  
+
+I still go to churches and mosques and temples,  
+the difference being it was deference before,  
+and now it's curiosity about the people who go there  
+and indifference to the thing they pray to.  
+
+Sometimes I wonder,  
+There really is no answer, is there?  
+
+
+---------------------------------------
+
+A poem I wrote when I had troubles accepting myself. Still do, to be honest.
+
+[(See this picture on Flickr)]: https://www.flickr.com/photos/160696242@N07/46619008205/