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<title>Fear | Siddhartha Golu</title>
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I’m scared.
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No, not because there’s a pandemic going on,
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||
even though that itself is enough
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||
to make one lose their mind.
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There’s another deadly virus crawling
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||
its way into my whole being.
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Slowly eating away at my sanity,
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feasting on my thoughts,
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mutating inside my head as if a colony of ants was given
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an open invitation to a room full of sugary syrup.">
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</noscript><meta property="og:title" content="Fear" />
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<meta property="og:description" content="Check it out on Instagram
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I’m scared.
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No, not because there’s a pandemic going on,
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||
even though that itself is enough
|
||
to make one lose their mind.
|
||
There’s another deadly virus crawling
|
||
its way into my whole being.
|
||
Slowly eating away at my sanity,
|
||
feasting on my thoughts,
|
||
mutating inside my head as if a colony of ants was given
|
||
an open invitation to a room full of sugary syrup." />
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<meta property="article:published_time" content="2020-04-25T23:45:30+05:30" />
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I’m scared.
|
||
No, not because there’s a pandemic going on,
|
||
even though that itself is enough
|
||
to make one lose their mind.
|
||
There’s another deadly virus crawling
|
||
its way into my whole being.
|
||
Slowly eating away at my sanity,
|
||
feasting on my thoughts,
|
||
mutating inside my head as if a colony of ants was given
|
||
an open invitation to a room full of sugary syrup."/>
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<h1 class="post-title">
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Fear
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</h1>
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<div class="post-meta"><span title='2020-04-25 23:45:30 +0530 IST'>April 25, 2020</span> · 2 min · Siddhartha Golu
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<div class="post-content"><p><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B_Znc5AB_hK/">Check it out on Instagram</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>I’m scared.</p>
|
||
<p>No, not because there’s a pandemic going on,<br>
|
||
even though that itself is enough<br>
|
||
to make one lose their mind.</p>
|
||
<p>There’s another deadly virus crawling<br>
|
||
its way into my whole being.<br>
|
||
Slowly eating away at my sanity,<br>
|
||
feasting on my thoughts,<br>
|
||
mutating inside my head as if a colony of ants was given<br>
|
||
an open invitation to a room full of sugary syrup.</p>
|
||
<p>I’m disintegrating.</p>
|
||
<p>Funny how the same thoughts,<br>
|
||
who once used to tell me there’s an ocean of possibilities out there;<br>
|
||
are slowly drowning me into the same pool,<br>
|
||
replacing me, devouring me<br>
|
||
bit-by-bit<br>
|
||
as if my feet are tied with stones of expectations<br>
|
||
and I keep swimming to the bottom, mistaking it for the shore.</p>
|
||
<p>Splash. Splash. Splash.</p>
|
||
<p>I see people making art, saving lives, reading books, writing novels,<br>
|
||
cooking food, running home marathons -<br>
|
||
resolving to turn this gloom into resilient happiness.<br>
|
||
And I can’t help but feel disgusted<br>
|
||
at my curled up crying self in the bedroom corner,<br>
|
||
struggling to tell apart midnight from noon.</p>
|
||
<p>When I go to the kitchen to make my first<br>
|
||
(and only) meal of the day,<br>
|
||
the knife shivers, even though my hands are steady<br>
|
||
it fears for the fingers that are too close to the blunt edge,<br>
|
||
fearing that as the layers of onions come apart,
|
||
the body holding the knife<br>
|
||
will shed its pretentious layers as well,<br>
|
||
baring naked the vast void in the center.</p>
|
||
<p>How many layers will I have to cut<br>
|
||
before I find myself again?</p>
|
||
<p>I’m scared to find out.</p>
|
||
<p>But there’s hope.<br>
|
||
A distant glimmer at the horizon, but it’s there.<br>
|
||
Counting my breath, one step at a time,<br>
|
||
dragging myself through the dark tunnel,<br>
|
||
following the whisper that says</p>
|
||
<p>it gets better.<br>
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it always does.<br>
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||
it has to.</p>
|
||
<hr>
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<p><strong>A poem penned down during the Coronavirus pandemic. I see people who are struggling with mental health issues which, I can only imagine, would have exacerbated during these times. Take care of yourself, folks. Don’t forget that you matter. A lot.</strong></p>
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<span>Bad Blood by John Carreyrou</span>
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